A Dora Pillow

The run this morning was incredibly easy. Maybe I went slower then normal or something, or maybe it was the day off I took, either way it seemed easier. On that note, I've decided to take Wednesdays as a rest day. I'll try to get some gym workout in at lunch, but no morning runs. The reason for this is twofold. First, it is healthy to take a day off every now and then. It gives the muscles time to rest and rebuild. Also, I've heard it said if you run everyday your legs slowly turn into dynamite inside and then blow up. No one wants that. I've a million excuses, the most logical of course is that I'm up Tuesday nights till after midnight playing games, specifically, usually D&D. So Wednesdays are my new day off. Indeed.

Resolved: It is better to want then to have; better to have then to want; better to want rather then loose.

This morning on my run I saw a Dora the Explorer pillow on the side of the road. If you are unfamiliar with the genius that is Dora the Explorer, simply know that it is a kid's show that teaches them counting, colors, etc. It's genius really. My daughter, Persephonee, almost two, loves it. She has a Dora doll, tent, shirt, and bathroom toy. See, like I said, genius. Of course seeing the blanket there my mind immediately raced to her and if she would like it. It looked relatively clean and a run through the wash a few times would remove any unwanted bacteria or germs. She would be happy to have it. I wasn't thinking about the logistics of getting it home. Just that it would probably make her happy.

So, I resolved to take the same route home and pick it up for her on the way back. During the run my mind kept going back to that stupid pillow. Why was it there? Was it discarded as childish to a pre-teen? Did an angry father toss it from the window to punish his crying child? Had it been in a stroller and fell off as a mom and little girl strolled down the way? The more and more I thought about it, the sadder I became for its previous owner. I pictured Persephonee trying to comprehend that her favorite baby doll, or blanket didn't exist in her world anymore. I imagined how her eyes turned inward, trying to analyse this new theory of something that was, suddenly being no more. I heard her begin to cry over it and sob with perpetual sadness. Let me tell you, it made the run quite sad. That sadness eventually turned to anger, as it is want to do for me.

Truth: I am broken emotionally. I grew up trying to be completely self reliant which, in turn, lead to me not sharing my emotions much. I've been trying to change this for about ten years now, but every now and then I slip back into my own ways. To me, sadness is often equated with anger.

You can probably guess where this is heading. I passed the pillow on the side of the road a few minutes later and left it be. I held out hope that whomever had lost or discarded the pillow would come to their senses and return for it. I imagined the smile and wide eyes that would dominate a little girl's face when her mom returns to the house with it again. I've lost before, and I was for damn sure not going to be a party to a little one loosing their pillow. Loosing something is hard enough as an adult, it should be forbidden for children. When I got home Persephonee was eating cereal and greeted me with her happy yell of, "Daddy!" It always makes my day, maybe more so then the run. I never really wanted or knew I wanted that high pitched, giggle of a yell, now I don't know what I would do without it.

Until next time, Trying to be honest with myself and the world.

Thursday, June 23 run. Rainy and unseasonably cold.
Out- 6:06, In: 6:38
Distance: 2.7 miles; walks: 2, Inhailer use: 3
Songs:
Green Day, "Before the Lobotomy"
Michael Jackson, "Billie Jean"
Jesse McCartney, "Body Language"
Weezer, "Buddy Holly"
La Roux, "Bulletproof"
Katy Perry, "California Girls"
Green Day, "Christian's Inferno"