Loosing It

Loosing weight should be easy in theory. Take in x calories per day, expel y calories per day. If x is greater then y, you are gaining weight. If y is greater then x, you are loosing weight. Like I said, this is relatively simple in principal… In practice, well that’s another matter. My running has two goals; trying to improve health, and loosing weight. They do go hand in hand, but are also separate entities. So, I’ve been on a quest to learn exactly what my x and y are.

Resolved: Keeping track of x and y can be a good thing. No need to get hysterical about it, but knowledge is power.

Unfortunately, x is rather hard to estimate. For instance, I have a sandwich and bag of chips for lunch. Well, the chips are easy, it tells me on the side how many I’m putting into my body. But the sandwich? Well, two pieces of bread, some cheese, some lettuce, and a small bit of mayo. What about that? Well, there’s a nice calorie estimator for some common foods over at webmd. http://www.webmd.com/diet/healthtool-food-calorie-counter That can help a little, especially if I eat out. From there, I’ll have to begin estimating. To take this to the next level, I’ll begin recording what I eat each day, adding up the calories, and seeing where I’m at. I have a feeling I’ll be astounded by how much I take in. I know that caloric intake is not the only thing that matters in weight loss; there’s fat intake, cholesterol, and all that stuff. But, it’s a start. Need to start somewhere, right?

Now for y. I found an interesting device over at http://caloriecount.about.com/cc/calories-burned.php which can estimate how many calories you burn on average on a daily needs. Looking at that it informs me that I burn about 2400 calories a day doing everyday activities. That seems a bit high, but we’ll take it for now. Finally, I can see what running or other exercise burns from Runners World; http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-242-304-311-8402-0,00.html. It’s a pretty simple formula and should be a bit accurate.

So, this gives me a baseline x and y. I’ll do my best to start recording the previous days x and y and seeing where I’m at. My weekends should be lopsided, being that I drink a buttload of pop on the weekend and often go out to eat as well, but, we’ll see.

Run today was amazing. 102 degree heat index and loving it! Sweat, sweat, and more sweat. It was a good day. Tomorrow promises to be even hotter, thus, even better. I’ve seen no change in physical appearance yet, I didn’t really expect to, but as anyone whose ever been working out knows, it’s hard to stay motivated without results.

Resolved: Motivation is in the mind. Find something that motivates you and hold onto it for dear life!

Until tomorrow, trying to be honest with myself and the world.

Thursday, June 30.

Time out: 1204 Time In: 1234

Walks: 3 Inhaler Use: 2

Songs:

Plus One Per Diem on SIR

Viva La Gloria                 Green Day

Peacemaker                    "

Christians Inferno            "

Restless Heart Syndrome "

B.o.B                              Magic

12 Guns                          Green Day

It was a Green day I guess!

The Dangling Few

I'm a dangling runner. For a long time I thought I was alone. It turns out I'm part of a special breed of "runners". Let me explain. Have you ever been out running, walking, biking, or what have you and just had to go, well, for lack of a better word, poo? The old number two. Now, I'm not talking about you have to go, finish your run thirty minutes later, then stumble into the restroom and finish your business. No, no, no, I'm talking about you need to go, NOW! You can make it maybe two, three hundred more feet, but even then there's some nasty work pushing out your backside and it takes every once of strength not to destroy your shorts. If you are incredibly lucky you can find a store with a restroom. Most of the time you have to make due with a random port-a-potty. Every so often its just you, the woods, and a few hopefully clean, leaves.

It can come on suddenly and threatens to not only ruin your run, but the rest of your day. (not to mention your underwear) Now, like I said, I thought I was alone for most of my youth. It takes some special training to be a Dangling Runner. Pushing out anything that is in there before the run is mandatory. Failure to do this can be catastrophic. You need to plan your routes so that you are never too far away from a restroom of some sort. This takes time and with luck you run in a well populated area. Finally, don't even think of having Mexican the night before!

Now, like I said, for most of my life I thought I was alone. It's not like running is a common topic to talk about with people. Talking about what your bowels do while on a run is even more taboo! I eventually found out my sister and mother are also amazing Dangling Runners. I branched out a bit and found a few others, but also found out we are a pretty unique breed. When I started teaching running at the store I would bring this topic up around week six or so and find most people laughing it off. But, every now and then someone's eyes would light up with understanding. They, like me, had been a Dangling Runner all their lives and suffered in silence about it.

Resolved: People are more alike then we think. Our commonalities make life better.

Today i went out at lunch. It's finally like 90 degrees here and I love the heat. So, I chose lunch more then breakfast. I knew in the morning it was going to be a bad run. All morning I tried to get out what I could before the run, but was improperly backed up! So, around the lake I went. Half way through my Dangling hit full force. Thankfully there was a port-a-potty near by. I used it for about 90 seconds, jumped up and ran off. The run finished and I did likewise in a proper restroom. My run was good and faster then usual. I'll always be a Dangling Runner. I'm not ashamed of it. It's as a part of me as my hair or eyes. These days when I talk to people about running, I usually bring up my "gift". Most of the time it gets a laugh, but every now and then, it changes a life.

Resolved: Don't be afraid of the embarrassment of sharing your uniqueness. Most of the time people will find you even more amazing.

That's all for now. Hope everyone enjoys the amazing week. Until next time, trying to be honest with myself and the world.


Wednesday, June 29
Time out: 1210, Time in: 1241
Distance: 2.85 miles
Walks: 2.5 / Inhaler use: 3
Songs:

Live streaming Jay and Silent Bob Get Old on SIR, guest host Ralph Garmon.

The Art of Failure

So I failed yesterday. Quite literary failed. My weekend was a mess of activity with long, wild bouts of inactivity. My time got messed up and I ended up being up until 3:30 or so Monday morning. You can imagine my ire when 6:00 came... I saw the girls off to work/school and went back to bed, crying foul of illness. I spent the day doing a little work, trying to get a broken lawn mower working, and cleaning up a bit. What I failed to do, was go for a run. Why? No idea. Maybe my mind hates me, maybe something inside just said, no.

Resolved: Failure is a part of life. Better to learn from it then dwell on it.

I felt bad all day. So bad I had a pop. I don't usually dink pop except for the weekends and holidays, so that made me feel even worse! Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was being tired, but the day dragged and my mood worsened. Honestly though, I think it was just a lack of will power. This running thing needs to be a lifestyle, the norm, no the exception. I'm still getting used to that and will stumble along the way. Yesterday I put a giant foot in a pothole along my road to not being fat. Time to patch up that hole, set out again, this time with a little self knowledge of what failure makes me feel like and how to avoid it.

So, that's that. This morning was good. I was out for about 32 minutes and the same amount of time, which means I'm speeding up a bit. Good to see, I just wish my gut would begin to show it! I know, I know it takes time. They say not seeing immediate results is the biggest reason people stop exercising. The biggest pothole of them all, maybe even a potcanyon.

Resolved: Immediate Results are easy; Lifestyle changes take time.

Sp reset, buckle up and push yourself out of bed. Have running cloths stationed and ready to go so that there is nothing hanging you up getting outside the house in the morning. You failed yesterday? Make it better tomorrow. Hell, make it better today. Wednesday is normally an off day for me. This week, Wednesday can go to hell cause I'm running the shit out of you!

Until next time, trying to be honest with myself and the world.

Tuesday, June 28
Time out: 6:07. Time in: 6:38
Distance: 2.82 miles
Walks: 2; Inhaler use: 3
Songs:
Green Day, 21st Century Breakdown
Green Day, Before the Lobotomy
La Roux, Bulletproof
Katy Perry, California Girls
Green Day, Christians Inferno
Mike Posner, Cooler than Me
Usher, DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love
(Note, got a new phone/ipod last night. I thought I sinked all my music. I guess I just put the crappy 61 songs on that I've been listening to for like a month! I need to re-sink tonight with more / better music!

The Walking Game or Pride

I used to hate walking during a run. I was trained to consider it weak, a failure, something to avoid at all costs. Run slow if you have to, but never walk. This was especially true in the Marines. You ran, you did not run. I was a fairly good runner, so it was OK for me. This all changed when I began managing at The Running Room. If you are unfamiliar with this store, I'll enlighten you. It's Canadian, with a few stores here in Minnesota and the outlining states. They pride themselves on talking anyone, in any shape, and offering them a class to learn to run. The founder apparently transformed him life by alternating running and walking, lamp post to lamp post in the night, so no one would see him. So, this is the way I learned to train people to run. Run for a minute, walk for a minute, repeat ad hock. Each week, add a minute of running, until eventually you are doing 10:1's. Ten minutes of running, one minute of walking. For two years while I was struggling with a new annoyance, asthma, this is how I got back into running.

Resolved: Walking is exercise.

So now when I go out I usually have a few walking breaks in the middle. I don't regulate it like I used to do. I just walk whenever my body says no for the third time. You see, if you walk every-time your body says no, you'll be walking a lot. But, if you push through that until your body says no again, then push through that, then you can walk the next time. It generally has me walking about every 12 minutes or so I think. though this is highly dependent on the day and location. The day is solely how I feel on that day. Everyone has those days where you just seem to be dragging. Some days ten minutes will feel like 2 minutes, other days it will feel like 2 hours. It's the second part though, the location I want to talk about today.

I did not go for a run this morning. I know! Only 4 days in and he's failed! But, hear me out. It was fracken cold, like 51 degrees this morning. I didn't feel like freezing. As such, I resolved to run at lunch. There is a nice lake around my work so I thought that would do. I set out and the first 10+ minutes went well. Then came by body yelling at me for the third time that it was time for a walk. But, it was nice this afternoon, like almost 80, so there were a ton of people out. I can't walk in front of people! It will look weak, like I'm a failure. Never mind that they are all out walking, not running, never mind that they don't know me, never mind I may never see them again, I'll look weak! What to do? My body demanded I stop for a breather, my pride insisted I can not. Is this even an healthy attitude to have?

Resolved: Walking is NOT failure.

Seriously, look at every single sport played. Soccer, lots of walking, football, lots of walking and stopping, baseball, lots of walking, basketball, plenty of walking, tennis, a good amount of resting. So, why is it I tell myself I can't walk in running? It's such an odd paradox that I consider myself successful at most of these other sports, yet spend a good chunk of time, walking in them. So what did I do, I did pushed on until the people had passed me, then walked a little. Of course my walk was shorter then usual as more people came creeping around the corner, more so as they were girls! I can't let a girl see me walk! ugh.

Resolved: Walking is NOT failure.

I'll need to repeat this a lot over the next few months in order to get it to sink in. But, I think once I can embrace it, I'll be better at not only judging my own level of success, but of the world as a whole. Thanks for reading.

Until next time, trying to be honest with myself and the world.

Lunch Run!
Out: 11:46, In: 12:17
Distance: 2.72 miles
Walking breaks: 2 (kind of), Inhaler use: 3

Song List:
Green Day: Restless Heart Syndrome
Jay-Z: Run This Town
Michael Franti: Say Hey
Green Day: See the Light
Tal Bachman: She's so High
Green Day: Static Age
Soft Cell: Tainted Love (Did NOT work as a running song.)
Kesha: Tik Tok
Green Day: Viva La Gloria (Worked really great as a cool down song)

A Dora Pillow

The run this morning was incredibly easy. Maybe I went slower then normal or something, or maybe it was the day off I took, either way it seemed easier. On that note, I've decided to take Wednesdays as a rest day. I'll try to get some gym workout in at lunch, but no morning runs. The reason for this is twofold. First, it is healthy to take a day off every now and then. It gives the muscles time to rest and rebuild. Also, I've heard it said if you run everyday your legs slowly turn into dynamite inside and then blow up. No one wants that. I've a million excuses, the most logical of course is that I'm up Tuesday nights till after midnight playing games, specifically, usually D&D. So Wednesdays are my new day off. Indeed.

Resolved: It is better to want then to have; better to have then to want; better to want rather then loose.

This morning on my run I saw a Dora the Explorer pillow on the side of the road. If you are unfamiliar with the genius that is Dora the Explorer, simply know that it is a kid's show that teaches them counting, colors, etc. It's genius really. My daughter, Persephonee, almost two, loves it. She has a Dora doll, tent, shirt, and bathroom toy. See, like I said, genius. Of course seeing the blanket there my mind immediately raced to her and if she would like it. It looked relatively clean and a run through the wash a few times would remove any unwanted bacteria or germs. She would be happy to have it. I wasn't thinking about the logistics of getting it home. Just that it would probably make her happy.

So, I resolved to take the same route home and pick it up for her on the way back. During the run my mind kept going back to that stupid pillow. Why was it there? Was it discarded as childish to a pre-teen? Did an angry father toss it from the window to punish his crying child? Had it been in a stroller and fell off as a mom and little girl strolled down the way? The more and more I thought about it, the sadder I became for its previous owner. I pictured Persephonee trying to comprehend that her favorite baby doll, or blanket didn't exist in her world anymore. I imagined how her eyes turned inward, trying to analyse this new theory of something that was, suddenly being no more. I heard her begin to cry over it and sob with perpetual sadness. Let me tell you, it made the run quite sad. That sadness eventually turned to anger, as it is want to do for me.

Truth: I am broken emotionally. I grew up trying to be completely self reliant which, in turn, lead to me not sharing my emotions much. I've been trying to change this for about ten years now, but every now and then I slip back into my own ways. To me, sadness is often equated with anger.

You can probably guess where this is heading. I passed the pillow on the side of the road a few minutes later and left it be. I held out hope that whomever had lost or discarded the pillow would come to their senses and return for it. I imagined the smile and wide eyes that would dominate a little girl's face when her mom returns to the house with it again. I've lost before, and I was for damn sure not going to be a party to a little one loosing their pillow. Loosing something is hard enough as an adult, it should be forbidden for children. When I got home Persephonee was eating cereal and greeted me with her happy yell of, "Daddy!" It always makes my day, maybe more so then the run. I never really wanted or knew I wanted that high pitched, giggle of a yell, now I don't know what I would do without it.

Until next time, Trying to be honest with myself and the world.

Thursday, June 23 run. Rainy and unseasonably cold.
Out- 6:06, In: 6:38
Distance: 2.7 miles; walks: 2, Inhailer use: 3
Songs:
Green Day, "Before the Lobotomy"
Michael Jackson, "Billie Jean"
Jesse McCartney, "Body Language"
Weezer, "Buddy Holly"
La Roux, "Bulletproof"
Katy Perry, "California Girls"
Green Day, "Christian's Inferno"

Pain and the Mighty Yelp!

So today started early enough. Oddly, I haven't found it that hard to get out of bed in the morning. I guess going to bed at 10:30 actually makes you less tired in the morning. The wife and I had our mini-golf league last night, complete with at least two dozen Happy Gilmore references. I ended the evening with a Double Cheeseburger and snickers Ice Cream bar from a local bar. This probably wasn't very healthy, but it sure did taste good.

Resolved: Cheeseburgers are delicious, addicting, and are the single greatest threat against my quest to loose weight.

Anyway, this morning was a good run. I only stopped twice, though I did pseudo-stop twice to take pictures. Eventually I'll learn how to add them to this and do so. It was a rainy morning and I stepped in more then one puddle on the run. Thank the gods of technical socks that wick the water away. My feet were dry within two minutes. I almost didn't go this morning, but figured I'd rather be batting 1000% rather then 500%. So, I crawled out of bed, through on some shorts and a shirt, and hit the road.

Tangent: Oddly enough to seems to take me exactly 7 minutes to get dressed and get outside. Strange.

So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a great runner. I'm an OK runner. But, what I am good at is willpower. My wife, and formerly my mother, called it stubbornness. I call bull-shit on that though, its willpower damn it! I rarely refuse to admit I'm beaten, especially in some sort of sporting event. We play in a yearly state basketball tournament and routinely get crushed 100-65 or so. The more down we get, the harder and faster I play, up to the last seconds. I won't go down without a fight. How does this apply to running you say?


Resolved: The Mighty Yelp can save you.

You know those moments when you are about to die? You are about to fall down, stop, throw in the towel and call it quits? Yea, we've all been there no matter what distance we're running. I'm not talking about "The Wall" when you've been running for hours, but about the little hurtles, let's call them "Midget Walls". The points were, as Green Day would say, "Does the pain weigh out the pride?" Yea, you know what I'm talking about. Well, its at that moment I let myself enjoy a mighty yelp! A primal, gurgling scream / yell that rumbles from my inner being, resonates through my stomach, builds as it spills down my throat, only to below forth in a mixture of elation-pain-joy-anger. Done correctly, it is followed by a rush of endorphins that washes away all pain and makes life... amazing. It is primarily the reason that I run, well, that and I'm sick of being fat.

It's the same feeling you get when everything is right with the world, the perfect song plays at the perfect moment in life, or the sun hits the water at an amazing angle as a perfect, calm breeze caresses your face. When I was young they told me it was the Holy Spirit. I've moved past such things though. To me its life in perfect harmony. A chemical response to a sight, sound, or smell coupled with the perfect emotional state. It's amazing. So, next time you are out and The Midget Wall is kicking your shins, try a Yelp! Don't worry, those people that turn to stare at you are just impressed by your mental fortitude and good looks!

Until tomorrow, trying to be honest with myself and the rest of the world.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011.

Time out: 6:07; Time in: 6:44

Distance: 2.82 miles

Walked: 2 times

Inhaler use: 2

Songs Listened to:

Lost, but I do remember Debby Gibson's, "Heaven is a place on Earth" at the end of the run.

Honesty Blog

Yea, so this has turned into an honest attempt to turn my life around. It's said that in order to be happy, you need to be honest with yourself. Well, that starts right now. In turn, I have a place to be accountable for my actions and inactions. So let's begin week one, day one:

Resolved: I'm fat.

Time to bite the bullet and admit it. I'm fat. I'm over-weight and, according to the government, damn near obese. Gone are the ideals of being "a big guy" and "muscle is heavier then fat". Been living with that my entire life. I'm 6'0" 230 and have begun to feel it. My gut is the largest its ever been and I have love handles suitable for Paul Bunyan. Time to stop denying it if things are going to change.

I haven't always been fat. I used to be skinny. Hell, when I graduated from the Marines I was a lean, mean, fighting machine. So what is the culprit to by becoming fat? Well, age is a part, but only a small part. No, my problem lies in two other factors. Over-eating and inactivity.

Resolved: Eating snacks after dinner, before bed is bad for my health.

This is a no brainer. I love me a bag of chips and large glass of juice around 11:00 or so each night. In order to combat this I've come up with a two step approach.
1. Go to bed earlier
2. Work up until bedtime.

By going to bed around 10:30 or so, I'll avoid those late night snack attacks. It will not be easy! I am a creature of the night. Always have been. I hate the mornings and crave the crickets and moonlight. I'll still stay up late on the weekends. I can't completely change who I am without a little window back to the safe. (I hope) Second, by taking the last hour or so before bedtime and writing, I'll keep myself busy enough to avoid wanting food. I'll work on my book, blog, or games the hour before bed after the wife and daughter go down.

Resolved: Running is Good for me and will remove unwanted weight.

I've always been a good runner. Well, that's not entirely true and if this is to be a blog of honesty, I need to address this. I've always been an OK runner.

When I was young I ran the mile, was in cross country, and excelled at the 800 m.

Tangent:  A group of friends even set an informal record at the 4 x 400. Of course, when we tried to re-create it and make it a formal record, we were always a few seconds off. I like to think it wasn't me that brought us down, but who can say for sure.

In the Marines I ran well. In my late twenties I worked a running store and trained people for distance running. I've run a few marathons in that distant past, but not as many as I would tell people when they came in the store. (Honesty and all) I was suppose to run The Frozen Half in Minneapolis one year with my training group. I didn't go. I told them I was there, but I wasn't. It wasn't the distance or temperature, I'd run 11 miles the weekend before, but honestly, it was just laziness and apathy. Anyway, I am no longer that runner. I went this morning. Here is the hard truth of this mornings run:

6-20-11: 

37 minutes; out 6:07 – in 6:44. Distance: 2.8 miles walking breaks: 4; Inhaler Use: 4 uses

Songs Listened to:

La Roux                       Bulletproof

Weird Al                      CNR

Jason Deruio                Watcha Say

Jesse McCartney          Body Language

Rick Springfield            Jessie’s Girl

Green Day                    Horseshoes and Handgrenades

Kesha                          Tik Tox

Jay-z                            Empire State of Mind

Green Day                    21^st Centur Breakdown

and that wasn't that bad of a run! I am no longer then runner I was in the past. The extra 40 pounds I'm sure do not help.

So, this is day one. I'll do my best to keep this updated for accountability. I'll keep the progress of my writing updated as well as I need someplace to be accountable for that as well. Until tomorrow, trying to be honest with myself and the world.